It has been three and a half years since my last post. I’m not sure how that happened so quickly. I have mindlessly renewed my WordPress and domain account each year thinking to myself that I would start typing again. Each year, when I sat down to contemplate what to write, I remembered how inadequate I felt to write anything of value especially if compared to those that provide content confidently claiming to be right. The one thing I confidently know about myself is that the more I learn, the more I realize I cannot confidently claim I am right. I believe I am on the right track, but my track is a path on a journey meandering towards the destination of an intimately close relationship with Yehova. My “right track” is not a paved road encircling my castle of knowledge and wisdom.
Not much has changed. I still feel inadequate and ill-equipped to write anything with real value to wandering eyes that may happen upon this site. I am typing this on or about Yom Kippur. “On or about” meaning it depends on which calendar you follow, which moon report you read, and where you are on the globe. I won’t chase that rabbit trail today, but the complication of that sentence will likely resonate with someone other than me. Yom Kippur being THE day of atonement, I find it fitting to use this time to consider renewing my online ramblings. More for myself than anyone else. This is a virtual place I can work through my thoughts, studies, findings, and overall ramblings. Of course, Yom Kippur is also supposed to be a sabbath day of solemn rest. Is typing here breaking that command? Is this work? I suppose it depends, but that is another rabbit trail.
Setting aside the controversy of whether today, tomorrow, or the next day is Yom Kippur or whether typing here is breaking the rules of sabbath, I find it fitting to use today as a day to renew my commitment. The original intent of this day, as described in Leviticus 16 was to recognize Israel’s sins, offer a sin sacrifice, and for Yehova to provide atonement, thus renewing the relationship. Couldn’t that be the best description of a renewal and re-dedication to Yehova? In no way do I find this blog as a renewal or re-dedication to Yehova. That is between me and my God in a very intimate way. However, this blog is a method for me to process my thoughts and studies. I work through a lot here. I use a handful of formal and informal online resources I have found and have wondered in a humble way if anyone could benefit from my own ramblings. Perhaps it is egocentric to believe that others may find value in my layman’s words. Or perhaps to someone it may be reassuring to know that there is another human in the world that doesn’t have it all together in a polished package, assuming to know the answers definitively.
I spent time last night and will spend time today working through some repentance with Yehova. I have already spent some time reading scripture and plan to do more. I took today as a personal day away from employment and plan to spend the day in a restful state in and out of studies, prayers, a visit to my grandfather in the nursing home, and spending time with my wife. I started my evening last night with a fast, which I will keep through today until after sunset. You may wonder why am I typing all of that? Is it to prove my commitment? Is it to appear righteous or better than anyone else? On the contrary. For me, I see those things as a mere token of respect towards my creator, based on his request to me. I don’t expect Him to be disappointed or disapproving towards me if I am on the wrong day, missed a step, or somehow “did it wrong.”
To be honest, I try to approach the biblical holidays with respect and humility. I try to remember to ask for mercy if I have the day or details wrong. I try to remember to approach Yehova with a humble heart. I approach Him assuming I have details wrong because of my lack of understanding. I wasn’t standing in the desert 4,000 years ago to hear His voice or to hear Moses teach. I don’t have the luxury of understanding Hebrew, let alone the vernacular and idiosyncrasies of the language at the time the words were spoken and written. I do believe that, based on Deuteronomy 31:7-13, the Torah was written and spoken in such a way that a young child hearing it for the first time in seven years would understand enough. That is enough evidence to me, that should I misunderstand, as long as I fear and respect Yehova, seeking mercy and humility for accidental mistakes in how I live out the Torah, He will love me and honor my attempt.
Today, I type this with a renewed commitment to process my thoughts online in hopes that it will honor Yehova. My hope is that by typing here, it may organize my thoughts and allow me to workout challenging lessons.